oldspinster:

real life is actually a lot like animal crossing because you can change your hair and your clothes but you’re stuck with the face that was given to you by a frog asking you invasive personal questions

bad things to say when you nut 

konkeydongcountry:

• whoopsie-doo, here comes the goo
• it’s slime time
• have some brogurt
• a shot of goo from me to you
• gonna splurt the ‘gurt
  

• me @ a girl w makeup:  nice

• me @ a girl w/o makeup:  nice

• me @ a girl w shaved legs:  nice

• me @ a girl w hairy legs:  nice

• me @ a girl:  nice

jammespotter:

so I went to the counseling center at my school to set up an appointment etc etc and I know they have a therapy dog there and I was like “where’s the dog?” and the receptionist was like ‘oh I’m sorry, she’s in a meeting right now’ and I look over at the other room and there is a fucking dog sitting in a chair at a long table sitting next to all these people in business suits and I felt like I was in a dream

• Bioware:  Andromeda is the story of the Ryder siblings! The one you don't pick will still exist in the universe! The Ryder siblings have an important role in the history of humanity! The two of them! Come immerse yourself in the touching and thrilling saga of the Ryder siblings!

• Me:  ...You're gonna kill the one I don't pick, aren't you?